This year seems to be going into the direction I like it to be. It’s because I’m in control of everything I do, I feel great. Overtime I began to look at myself from third person view just to see how unstable I was…felt. I guess you can say I’m beyond over a lot of things that caused me to question a lot. The unbearable stress, nothing seemed to alleviate the tension I had between certain people. No matter though, at the time all the love I still had left was dance. It will always be my main definition. My backbone to life. My past molded me. My weakness became my strengths. In life you have to stand up for yourself instead of waiting for others to do it for you. Some will be there, some will not. In the end it’s all on you. I keep reminding myself this everyday. Sometimes it seems impossible but it isn’t. It’s because I over think a lot. That will all change through time. More do and less say.
Only 4 more weeks until I see Jesse. Everything feels surreal when we met face to face. I’m sure it will happen again. This is my first long distance relationship; my third serious relationship out of 24 years of my life. I don’t have shame but to say that I’ve learned and shed a lot of wasted skin. I haven’t been this happy for the longest time. I can’t remember the last time I felt so certain and content with someone. I can’t remember the last time someone was truly down for me as I am for him. All I can say is….he’s awesome. I don’t doubt him at all or his potentials. Not in dance but life as well. I love the fact that I can be his encouragement, and he sees that. Sometimes it doesn’t take a lot. As long as you show it, that’s all that counts. There’s so much I want to say about him, but all of those feelings will be locked up and for me to embrace…
No, I don’t take it personally. Whatever you think, whatever you feel, I know is your problem and not my problem. It is the way you see the world. It is nothing personal, because you are dealing with yourself, not with me. Others are going to have their own opinion according to their belief system, so nothing they think is about me is really about me, but it is about them.
Next month I will be rearranging my room to put a masonite floor in. The 30 minute drive to practice is eating up my money and I want to be able to adapt in my own habitat. I have a lot I want to work and experiment with. Let’s go!!!
Always does not last.
When you tell someone you’re with you will always love them, it turns into had love for them. The feeling dies over time after things didn’t work out. I don’t believe in always loving someone because you felt happy in love at the moment. You start to realize a great significance. You don’t view things or interact as much as before. You become strangers again. So I keep in mind, when I’m in love with someone; it won’t be forever and always until I know he’ll be my partner for a lifetime. If that made any sense?
That is the truth.
If you didn’t know Origami/Threading was originated from Canada. Megas [Boogie Brats] created this concept and from it spread worldwide. This man was ahead of his time. A dope share so check it!
Nothing left to look at. So I keep moving forward. All the hurt strengthen my weakness. I’ve learned a lot.
Here’s to the past and into a better future. I’m in control.
Minnesota Winter Break
It’s early to mention, but I’m really stoked about going to Minnesota for winter break to hang with Jesse and his fam. I’m looking forward in meeting everyone and vibing out with them.
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